Archive for August, 2011

The Email Not Sent

August 13, 2011

Gather round boys, and I shall teach you how to pick up girls.

My foolproof technique is to find some hot babe, and tell her interesting facts about economic history until she is crazed with lust.
Oh it doesn’t always work, y’know. ┬áSo I’ve written an emergency email, to keep on file until the right occassion. (ie the next time I feel like talking about economic history.)
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Dear Xxx,
I was going to tell you some interesting facts about economic history. This pickup technique, along with my cruel yet handsome eyes, never fails to win women over. But this time, I’ve decided not to use it on you.
You see, there is a possibility that we will meet at some cafe. Sparks may fly. We may fall madly in love, and soon find ourselves married with children. After a lifetime of adventures together, where we’ve forged the strongest bond, we may find ourselves in a living room somewhere, one of our grand-daughters on your knee. She might see a photo of you from the present, and say “Wow Grandma, you were a knockout! Grandpa, how did you sweep her off her feet?” And I shall say “I told her interesting facts about economic history until she begged me to stop. And now here we are.”
And she will stare at me. And then she will stare at you. And then she will stare at me again, and say “I can’t believe I even exist!”
To which I’ll have to sheepishly reply “You don’t. You’re just a construct in an email used to make a point.”
“Oh,” she’ll say. “I didn’t realise.”
I don’t want to have that conversation. It would be weird. So let’s not talk about economic history today.
Instead, how about we meet at some cafe and see what happens?
Sincerely,
Monsieur Bits
***