So I went to Coles today, to see if that post about the cost of food made any sense. (Yes, I always do my fact-checking after I’ve published. My discerning readers wouldn’t expect any less.)
Most fruit hovered around the 30c-50c per 100g mark, and staple vegetables like onions and potatoes were around 25c per 100g. But processed food costs more. Bread is 60c per 100g. Lasagne, 70c. Butter 90c. Cake $1.10. Cheddar cheese $1.30. Steak $2. Camembert $4.79. And smoked salmon is $5 per 100g.
But the most expensive items were junk food. For instance, Funtastic Chocolate Surprise Eggs, with a toy inside, and pictures of High School Musical on the foil wrapper, was $11.00 per 100grams. (That’s $110 per kg!)
But tonight’s winner, weighing in at $17 per hundred grams, which at $170 per kg makes it about a third the cost of silver bullion, is …
Pez.
That’s right. Pez. Those little drops of hardened sugar in a plastic box. But these are no ordinary little drops of hardened sugar in a plastic box. There’s a reason why the Pez Corporation can charge so much for their sweets.
Each Pez is lovingly handcrafted by sugar artisans in the jungles of Peru, dipped in platinum, and signed by the surviving members of the Beatles. For maximum freshness, they are flown to Australia (business class), and rushed to the supermarket in a refrigerated limousine, only stopping if there’s a good premiere on at the Opera House. If they can bribe their way past the heavies at Coles security, they finally take their place triumphantly on the shelf, proudly sporting the most enormous price tag in the supermarket!
And there they will stay, until the economy recovers.